Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
