lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
