Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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