just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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