You really coming over, don't trick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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