I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
