I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you traded sex for a burrito?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
