Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
