I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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