He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
