I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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