New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
