Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is my gift to your gina
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
