He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
