Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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