I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
