I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im holly from the hills drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
