we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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