why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
