singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
