Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
foreskin is a definite game changer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
