Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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