I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
