dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
