Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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