My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
