dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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