is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
