He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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