i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
