my mouth tastes like poor choices
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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