dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
