Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
