we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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