He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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