I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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