We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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