i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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