We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
