Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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