I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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