Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
