batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
