Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
