Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
