david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
