I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
