I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
