ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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