It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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