Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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