Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
